I said that I would write again when I made a year.
On September 10, I did.
I think the last time I posted on this diary, I had nine months. I've been writing tons in my private diary, so those of you with the password know the extended version of events, but for now, here's the edited story. Now that I've learned to live life on life's terms, I've also learned that good things happen and bad things happen -- and that's okay. In no particular order, here's what's been going on:
Work is going really well and I got a really big raise, which rocks. Of course, my family doesn't really know what to make of my new profession, since they're used to having doctors and lawyers in their midst (my sponsor says that's an old Jewish intellectual conversation), but if they don't like it...oh well. That's not for them. Besides, I can't tell you how many doctors and lawyers attend my meetings and are just as fucked up. Careers used to really impress me -- but I've rewired and it's pretty far down on the list of things I care about.
I spent the summer at the beach here in NYC. That was so awesome and I became the tannest person in all 5 boroughs. Waking up at 7 am on a Saturday, getting ready on about 4 hours of sleep, and getting picked up in my friend Gregg's car and driving off to the Rockaways became my idea of heaven.
I've stopped going to visit my parents in Maine often -- I'm setting boundaries and it doesn't always go over so well -- but two of my close friends from college flew out from the Midwest to visit and we had a really fun time:
The summer was a little hard because my grandfather, who was 92, died after a rapid decline. I hadn't seen him in ten years and when I get to my 8th and 9th Step, I'm going to have to make amends to his memory. Two good friends of mine also lost loved ones due to this bullshit war in Iraq - and that's been especially hard to have to watch them grieve.
I've made two amends to people from my past in recent weeks and both were amazingly positive. One of them was hothead, and having her come back into my life has been a true blessing. She's an amazing friend and I have to say, owning your mistakes and having humility brings you far more joy than anger.
If it means anything to you, I've finished my 3rd Step and am getting ready to start the very intimidating 4th Step.
Two months ago, I received my lease renewal and found that my tiny little studio apartment had gone up to $1325 a month. Well. Sometimes what you can't do for yourself, God does for you, and that was the final straw. I had been wanting to move out to this great neighborhood where all my friends were moving, but I was uncertain -- could I afford to move? Would I find a decent place? The neighborhood is super popular and I didn't want to miss out on finding a space. Instead of doing what I would have done in the past -- freaking out, obsessing, acting manipulative -- I let it go and turned it over to my Higher Power. Sure enough, one of my friends recommended me to her landlord for a huge 2 bedroom apartment in her building -- and I got it for $950:
A talented artist friend of mine, who is in-between jobs, is there right now, painting. I'm so excited -- I'm going to have a pink bedroom! It's totally sexy. The guest room is pale green, the kitchen is a very pale yellow, and the living room is a light mocha color to match my first grown-up purchase -- a really nice sage green couch. It's so grown-up that it's not even being delivered for another three weeks. Those days of Craigslist are over, Miss Honey.
What else? I had a near-religious experience at the Dolly Parton concert last month. All the girls from work went together, plus some gay boy friends, and we all agreed it was magical, from start to finish...even for those who didn't really know Dolly. Here's a photo (my digital camera is good, but not *that* good) of Miss Dolly singing my favorite song, "Jolene":
I am working so hard this year. Therapy is going really well and my sponsor and my therapist (who have the same first name, so I refer to them as Sponsor Ellen and Therapist Ellen) are working in tandem with me on my co-dependency issues and my family issues. But how much I've learned! How far I've come! And how far I have to go....I was struggling with my OCD (which manifests in obsessive thoughts and compulsive actions) -- I was having a hard time controlling my actions, from shopping to binge eating to cutting -- and I've found that Celexa really calms that down and allows me to quiet those impulses and work on them in a healthy way.
Like I said, I made a year and had a huge blowout anniversary on September 10. It was OVAH. Nearly 100 people were there and the love I felt was overwhelming. I don't think I've ever been happier or prouder of myself. When my sponsor, who I've been with for seven months now and who is truly the most beautiful and amazing person I've ever met, called me up to get my 1 year coin, I was floating on Cloud 9:
I got tons of flowers and cards and gifts (the trunk of my sponsor's car was competely packed with all the stuff I got) and I had nineteen people speaking for me and it was just unbelievable.
But most importantly, this husky young man has come into my life. Meet Bowie:
Once I made nine months, my sponsor said, "Ok...you're ready for a pet and some responsibility." And another recovering addict gave me Bowie. He's my pride and joy, big and friendly, a total mama's boy. (And my sponsor and I decided if he ever did cat porn, he would totally go gay for pay.)
And that's it. I'm incredibly busy, I'm extremely happy, and I feel so blessed. I've become the girl I always wanted to be -- lots of love, lots of loved ones, happy, peaceful, and kind. If this is how I have to live the rest of my life, then I'm one very lucky chick indeed.
the cactus is grooving to:
Past Fabulous Entries:
)|( 14 pounds lost